It’s wierd. Before Toby went away, I was getting on with so much; hoovering, washing and tidying my room so it’s ready for decorating. Now he’s gone, I can’t get in the right frame of mind to do things that I can’t do with him. I just miss him loads and it’s affecting everything. I can’t get to sleep because I’m crying, I can’t get out of bed because I don’t think there’s anything to get up for… I just want to hear his voice, but not through a phone, see his face not through photos or a webcam, I want him home. But I’d feel horrible if he really did come home, because it would be my fault that he missed out on his holiday that he’s paid for and won’t get the money back because it would mean everyone else would have to pay more. Plus I know he’s been waiting for this for a while. One thing that’s making me more upset is that he’s not particularly enjoying it and doesn’t think he will. That just makes me feel really upset because he’s having a bad time… I wish I could be with him, more than anything.

I know I said before that I wouldn’t leave posts every day saying how much I missed him, but I didn’t think it would be this hard to get on with other things.

I’m sorry, Toby, I can’t help missing you more than anything in the world. Talking through texts or MSN is nowhere near as good as face to face, even if I have a webcam or phonecalls. I want YOU. Not just your words or photos. I just want this whole week to be up and I don’t care if I miss prom. I’m going to be missing you so much more by Thursday anyway so I won’t enjoy it as much as everyone else. Meg and I will just be sitting in the corner being depressing emos together seeing as she’s set that she won’t be happy either.

I love you loads, and miss you even more, my amazing boyfriend…♥